


What If It's Us

by pwk072347



Series: Beyond Rules and Strictures [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: But is it though if it's Joe's reincarnation, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nicky/Original Male Character, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pwk072347/pseuds/pwk072347
Summary: He was startled when Quynh put a gentle hand over his shoulder, stopping him in his track. “If you love him –” He must had made an indignant sound at that, because her facial expression softened along with her voice when she repeated herself. “If you love him, Nicky, go talk to him.”***Sequel toLinger Like a Tattoo KissThirty years after losing Joe, Nicky is reunited with his reincarnation.This is what happened after "They lived happily ever after. Second time around"
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Beyond Rules and Strictures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168283
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	What If It's Us

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quotes in bold text from Dear Evan Hansen's "Only Us."
> 
> This is a follow-up to _Linger Like a Tattoo Kiss_. I tried to write it so it can be read as a stand-alone piece, but I would recommend reading the first part for a better experience of reading this one :)

Nicky woke to kisses by the warm spring sun.

The curtain of his bedroom had been pulled back a sliver, and rays of rosy sunlight slipped through the crack to dance across his face. Spring had returned and brought lives back to Malta. Through the open window, he could hear chatters of birds and smell the sweet nectar of blossoming flowers from the garden.

He stretched his limbs, then instinctively turned to his side, eyes still closed, and reached out to the other half of the bed.

The bed was empty. Even now, his sleep-riddled brain still panicked and tried to sound the alarm by clenching his heart. But his body immediately relaxed when his fingers found rumpled bedsheets, and felt the telltale warmth that someone was there not long ago. Nicky buried his face into the pillow next to his, and hummed in relief as he inhaled deeply the lingering scent that was unmistakably Joe.

It had been a year since what he called Joe’s return, and they slotted back together like no time had passed. The team decided they should continue to stay in Malta and let Joe acclimate to his new found immortality, unanimously vetoing his objection that he had been technically immortal for a millennium already. So Joe found a position on the restoration team for the local cultural department, and Nicky, who was slightly ashamed to admit he had been living off his savings since coming here, started working at a nursery on the outskirt of town. They struck up a routine pretty quickly: Either one of them would make breakfast. They would kiss goodbye at the crossroad into city center and part way for work. Nicky more than likely would return home to retrieve Joe’s forgotten lunchbox, and deliver it to whichever church he was working on. Joe would be waiting outside the nursery to walk Nicky home after his shift, the kids usually climbing him like a jungle gym. They would make dinner, cuddle on the couch to read or watch a movie, then turn in for bed. It was sickeningly domestic, and Nicky was soaking up every minute of it.

Nicky swung his legs off the bed, and padded sleepily downstairs to the patio outside the dining room. As if conjured by his imagination, there his beloved was, leaning against the railing. He was still in the loose white T-shirt and grey sweatpants he wore to bed, sunlight sparkling in the gaps of his tussled curls. Eyes closed, his face was turned up, like sunflower guided toward the sun, the very picture of serenity and bliss.

Hearing Nicky’s footsteps, he turned around, and his face broke into a blinding grin. “Well, morning, sleepy head. You took your time.”

Nicky rubbed his nape, and couldn’t stifle another yawn. “Morning to you too, J – Josh.”

Now, Nicky knew Josh remembered his old name, the multiple variants, and all his pseudonyms because he had reacted to several of them when addressed by the team. Nicky also knew this was not the name given to him by his birth parents, as Josh had mentioned he left home when he came of age, and had his given name legally changed. Upon first meeting the team, he had requested that they refer to him by this name. It was glaringly obvious something was left unsaid and unpacked there, but Nicky had been too kind to push.

He shuffled to lean close to Josh, their thighs and hips touching slightly. Josh laid his chin on arms crossed over the railing, head nudging insistently at Nicky’s side. Nicky chuckled, and put his hand into the bushy hair. Josh had grown his hair longer recently. Nicky relished in the familiar sensation of unruly curls tangling around his fingers. Josh keened happily, his eyes closing again as Nicky massaged his scalp gently.

However, when Nicky moved his hand lower to cup Josh’s cheek, and tried to pull his head up for a kiss, Josh shimmied out of his touch, the movement so smooth it didn’t even feel like rejection. “Bad breath. Hadn’t brush my teeth.” As a distraction, he held Nicky’s hand, and put his lips to the simple ring with geometric patterns on his ring finger. “Breakfast will be ready soon.” Josh jabbed a thumb backward as he backed toward the dining room entrance.

Nicky watched him retreat into the house. Josh might think he was smooth, but Nicky didn’t miss the faint smell of cigarette on his shirt, nor the portable ashtray he hid in his pocket the moment Nicky stepped onto the patio.

It had been like this since the start. The average person might not notice any difference, but Nicky and their found family were not average people, and oh they noticed. Nicky admitted he had told Joe off for smoking on and off since the invention of modern cigarette because he didn’t like the lingering smell on Joe’s body and clothing – and it usually fell on deaf ears. Nicky was actually surprised Josh remembered something so trivial, since Nicky himself wasn’t even very serious about it. But Josh seemed to remember every single complaint he had made in their millennium together, and made it his personal mission to right every one of them. Or, in this case, at least not rub it in Nicky’s face.

Nicky recalled the first time Booker came to Malta for his vacation since Josh’s return. Sprawled on the couch after dinner, the football game already starting on TV, Booker gaped when Josh stayed in the kitchen to do the dishes, since in the past he would have ditched his chores immediately amidst Nicky’s lament, mostly as an ongoing gag, that even hundred years of love couldn’t compete with watching grown men chase aimlessly around a ball. When Nicky was ushered into the living room with a mug of hot chocolate stuffed into his hands, Booker raised an incredulous eyebrow, which was met with a shrug that was meant to convey he was none the wiser.

And Josh always had this look on his face at times like this. It was a wide-eyed expectant stare, quite like a puppy, as though he was hoping to be praised or rewarded for his action. Nicky had never seen this look on him before, and he had no idea how to react.

Nicky heard the patio door opened again. He looked up eagerly, but it was only Nile, already looking fresh as a daisy and very much awake. The whole team was having their annual spring gathering in a few days, but Nile had come early to “make sure you two lovebirds don’t lose yourselves in each other, and actually get the preparation done in time.” They had been letting her crash on the sofa until the others arrive to share hotel rooms.

He greeted her with a firm hug, which she returned with a light peck to his cheek. “You better get in. Someone is going to call us disrespectful for eating his food cold.”

Nicky barked a laugh and moved to open the door, but Nile seemed to suddenly remember something and put her hand on his arm. “Hey, did Josh do something to his hair? ‘Cause –”

“Nile!” Josh’s call from inside the house cut her short. “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.” Nicky followed her into the dining room. Josh had a plate filled with steaming scrambled eggs, crisp bacons, and slices of perfectly golden French toasts in his hand as he made a beeline for Nile. He sidled up to her, staring intensely at her hair, which was styled into a wild ponytail today. Nile looked bewildered at the sudden level of interest. “Could you tell me the brand of hair products you use? I grew my hair out and had them _permed_ recently to be curlier, but they have been pretty, uh, uncooperative.” Nile shot Nicky a knowing look. Josh backed away from her, seemingly not to have noticed the awkward air he created, and put the plate of breakfast in front of Nicky. He ruffled the back of his head bashfully. “You know how Nicky likes to pull them…”

Nile rolled her eyes amicably, and had her usual broad smile on when she patted Josh on the shoulder. “Sure thing. Will give you the info in no time.” Josh grinned at her, whistling an off-key tune as he skipped back into the kitchen.

Nile sat down across from Nicky, narrowing her eyes at him, the unspoken question hanging between them. Nicky had no answer for her, so he poked around his eggs helplessly.

~ * ~ * ~  
 ** _I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you  
_** ** _I don't need you to search for the proof that I should_  
** ~ * ~ * ~

Their spring gathering dinner was, in Nicky’s opinion, a success. Booker and Quynh arrived that morning, and they went to the market together. Nicky looked on fondly as Josh helped an old lady gathered her remaining goods when she closed up shop, and doodled cartoon unicorns and mermaids on his sketchbook for a little girl temporally separated from her parents.

Now the grand feast was more than half devoured. Plates and cutleries scattered far from their original placing, wine glasses half full or empty either hogged in their hands or abandoned on the table. Josh was entertaining them with another one of his lively stories, this one pertaining to the New Year and jumping into canals in Amsterdam back in college. His arm draped leisurely across the back of Nicky’s chair, fingers occasionally caressing the side of his neck and sending thrills down his spine.

Nicky had heard the story before, but he enjoyed it all the same, just like every time Josh chose to share his early days with them. Since Josh’s return, Nicky was gradually able to view the past thirty years as a prolonged separation from the love of his life. They had been parted due to circumstances before, and Joe had always come back with fascinating stories of his missions or travels. So far, Nicky knew Josh was born and raised in the Netherlands to parents who emigrated from Tunisia. He went to college in Amsterdam, got his master’s degree in London, then worked as a graphic designer for various brand name companies all over Europe. He travelled extensively throughout the years, which he confessed was to confirm and relive the memories in his head.

There were at times clearly a human-shaped hole in Josh’s stories, but Nicky chose to let it slide. This might be the 23rd century, but they of all people knew the world never really changed much. A Muslim gay man with brown skin was already a hard life to live. Add to that the conviction that he was a different person and had memories from his previous life? Nicky sometimes wanted to hold Josh tight and shelter him from the cruel world at the thought of how much hardship he must have endured. Maybe back in Dusseldorf all those years ago, they should have thought this through before they promised not to forget each other even after reincarnation.

Nicky wondered whether his willingness to accept Josh’s omission was due to his own reluctance to mention the darker moments of his years alone. Time had healed the gaping wounds to dull aches that were easy to ignore, but it didn’t mean he forgot how it felt to be a walking corpse and barely surviving. Nicky told himself he just didn’t want to worry Josh. But deep down, he knew it was because he couldn’t bear the guilt of acknowledging that for a while, he didn’t believe Joe’s promise that he would return. It was too shameful to admit he lost faith in their love that was supposed to conquer all and more.

Laughter around the table dragged him back to reality. It seemed the conversation had moved to sharing embarrassing anecdotes, and everyone was eager to pitch in. Nicky downed the rest of his wine, willing himself to stay in the here and now. What’s past is past; there was no use getting caught up in what he couldn’t change. They were both here now. Josh was here. They would be fine.

When the conversation lulled, Nicky stood up to announce there was dessert in the fridge. A collective groan erupted from the table that miraculously expressed, at the same time, the pain of eating too much, and the disappointment of not eating Nicky’s homemade delicacy. As he moved to the kitchen, Nile bemoaned loudly that her stomach would burst if she ate even one more bite.

He heard Booker teased, not unkindly, “We’ll be fine as long as we have Nicky to finish up. This man cooked and ate meals made for two for _years_ , and look how he fared. Not even a single ounce of extra fat.”

Nicky reemerged from the kitchen, flipping Booker the bird with his hand not carrying the lemon tart. “Don’t blame me for your metabolism giving you potbelly because it can’t keep up with your drinking.” He plunked the tart in the middle of the table, and pointedly stared at Booker. “If you don’t feel up to it, you can always give up your share. I don’t think anyone would mind.”

They all laughed when Booker comically lunged for the tart, knife already in hand. Completely untrue to their words, the dessert was cut up and transferred to their individual plates in no time.

The conversation resumed, but Nicky noticed Josh had gone quiet. He was still nodding and responding at the right moments, but he wasn’t launching into animated talks with hands waving, and his smile didn’t quite reach the eyes. He also started fiddling with the ring he wore as a pedant from a thin silver chain around his neck, the ornate one with the protruding fauna decoration now too big to fit his slender fingers. Nicky saw him repeatedly put his ring finger half way through the opening, then aborted the movement with a sigh.

Throughout the remaining evening, Nicky could feel Josh’s eyes on him whenever he wasn’t looking. Once when he veered too sharply while cleaning the table, he caught the familiar guilt and hurt reflected in those hazel eyes, before Josh ducked his head and hid behind a fake cough.

Booker came to find him in the kitchen when Nicky was putting away the leftovers. He had the remaining dirty utensils with him, and promptly proceeded to do the dishes. “Look, I’m sorry, Nicky.” Booker blurted out as he turned on the tab, “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t think Joe was going to…” He scrubbed a wet palm over his face.

Nicky shook his head and squeezed Booker’s shoulder to show him it was OK. With the final Tupperware in the fridge, he grabbed a towel and took to drying the clean dishes. They stayed like that in amicable silence, rinsing and drying, rinsing and drying, drifting in the comfort of the routine.

After a while, Booker asked quietly, “Are you two alright?” His wrist pressed against Nicky’s as he handed over the next plate, firm but not pushy.

Nicky gave him a tired smile, and they continued the chore without a word.

~ * ~ * ~  
 ** _I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken  
_** ** _I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget_  
** ~ * ~ * ~

Josh’s first death, and only death in his pretty short immortal life so far, was what they would define as a dumb way to die.

He was already at Malta at the time. Booker, the self-appointed tech guru of the team, was dumbfounded when he heard Josh described how he tracked down Nicky’s whereabouts with just some everyday 23rd century technology. Though to be fair, Nicky wasn’t exactly playing hard to find.

So Josh had finally worked up the courage to come to Malta and confirm his findings. The day before Nicky dreamt of him, he was hiding in a deserted alleyway near city center, staking out the area. Close to evening, he spotted Nicky in the flesh for the first time when he and Nile returned to the hostel she was staying at. In exhilaration, Josh accidentally stepped on a banana peel, slipped and cracked his skull on the cobblestone road because, in his own words, “I was lost in your soulful eyes and the world just fell away, hayati.”

Josh had admitted that as he went down, his final thoughts were what a bummer to have to wait another thirty years when he was this close, and how mad the old lady by the bridge in Underworld would be to have the same soul refuse her Tea of Forgetfulness again so soon. “And I amend my previous assumption of her. That woman is a hard nut to crack.”

 _One of these days, she’s going to have to deal with another one asking the same favor_. Nicky had thought as Booker and Nile wolf whistled at a blushing Josh for his declaration of love. But it didn’t feel like the right time for that conversation, neither then nor now.

The morning after their spring gathering was usually a late one, so when Nicky came down the stairs, he wasn’t surprised to find only Josh sitting at the table with his mug. There was a large pile of blankets in front of the living room fireplace, heaving in regular intervals, which he assumed must be Booker.

Josh looked up and gave him a smile. There was sleep in the upturned corners of his mouth, and tiredness in the creases between his brows. Nicky wanted to wrap his fingers around those tussled bed head, so he did just that. The kiss they shared was sloppy, Josh’s lips opening up pliantly beneath him. Nicky tasted a discordant mix of super sweet honey, artificial creamer, and the underlying bitterness of black coffee.

The front door opened with a bang, startling them to break apart. Nicky was surprised to see not only Nile but also Quynh coming in, both in their sportswear and apparently just finished a jog. The lump in the living room jolted at the sound to reveal Booker’s messy head, though it could also be that Nile kicked him in the guts on her way in.

The girls migrated their loud commotion to the dining room. Quynh waltzed over, smacked a hard kiss to the crown of Josh’s head, then grimaced when she smelled the steam coming from his mug. “Joe, what’s this blasphemy you are drinking?” Unlike Booker, who only reverted to this name in private, Quynh had blatantly ignored Josh’s request from the get go.

She snatched the mug from his hand, muttering to herself as she walked into the kitchen in a voice loud enough that was definitely meant to be heard, “You don’t reduce the caffeine level no matter how much Manuka honey you add, for heaven’s sake.”

Before anyone can react, Quynh was back at the table in a whirlwind, stuffing the same mug back into Josh’s hand, now with the string of a teabag hanging from the side. “Even this dishwater the Brits dare to call tea is better than, than…” She waved in his general direction exasperatedly, “whatever you think that is.”

Josh stared at her with a combination of bewilderment and amusement. But Nicky saw the lines between his brows loosen as he put the mug to his mouth and took a gulp.

Leaving Josh to enjoy his tea, Nicky moved to the kitchen to start making breakfast. He took some eggs from the fridge, and cracked them into the pan one by one. It wasn’t long before him felt Quynh’s presence infringing on his confined space of comfort. He didn’t so much as seen but sensed her pointing at the jar of honey on the counter before hearing her said, “You going to restock that?”

Nicky sighed. He turned off the stove, not wanting to burn the eggs, then steeled himself and turned around to face her, both hands already up in surrender. “I swear he switched to tea a long time ago.” He withered as Quynh cocked a pointed eyebrow at him and folded her arms. “Fine. _I_ made him switch to tea when I found out caffeine gives him palpitation, OK?” He turned back to fiddle with the stove, trying to avoid the aura of accusation emitting from Quynh. “But Nile has been making coffee these days, and, well, she doesn’t know.”

“You mean Joe is too nice to tell her,” Quynh deadpanned.

Nicky was about to argue, but they were interrupted by Josh sauntering into the kitchen. He walked straight up to Nicky to intercept his left hand that was reaching for a plate. Wordlessly, he put the geometric patterned ring on Nicky’s ring finger, ducked to steal a quick peck on his cheek, and was gone before they knew it. Nicky blinked. Having only started to wear the ring regularly for a year, he still sometimes forgot to put it on after taking it off for the night.

The sound of Quynh slamming the fridge door reminded him she was still there. She came closer, holding a cup of green substance that definitely looked like Nile made them, and watched him slid the sunny-side-ups onto each plate. “He’s trying too hard, you know?” She commented offhandedly, slurping the drink noisily. “You should be glad it’s just palpitation. I would hate to see a repeat of the Paella Incident.”

Nicky winced. The Paella Incident would refer to that time he made paella – one of their favorite dishes as a couple – for date night, only to find out Josh was allergic to shrimps when he collapsed after a few bites, unable to breathe. Luckily, all of their houses were equipped with first aid kits since Andy, and Nicky was able to punch the EpiPen into his thigh in time to avoid asphyxiation, or it would be another dumb way to die on Josh’s very short list of death.

In hindsight, Nicky remembered a flash of hesitance in Josh’s eyes when he mentioned the menu, but it was soon covered up and forgotten in the flurry of preparation that afternoon, which he distinctively recalled Josh participated enthusiastically. Nicky guessed he just wasn’t very good at picking up the signs back then. Afterwards, Josh joked about the fragility of an overprotected 23rd century body. Nicky amended their recipes, and had never cooked anything with seafood since.

Quynh edged him away from the counter as he was trying to put toasts into the oven, and swept in to wash her empty cup at the sink. Forced out of the direct line of work, Nicky puttered about for a while, finally opting for opening cabinets to find the can of bake beans. He kept his head down, hoping Quynh hadn’t caught on that he was occupying himself so this rather one-sided conversation could be over.

He was startled when she put a gentle hand over his shoulder, stopping him in his track. “If you love him –” He must had made an indignant sound at that, because her facial expression softened along with her voice when she repeated herself. “If you love him, Nicky, go talk to him.”

~ * ~ * ~  
 ** _You don't have to convince me  
_** ** _You don't have to be scared you're not enough  
_** ** _'Cause what we've got going is good_  
** ~ * ~ * ~

Everything came to a head, ironically, on a pouring afternoon. Later, Nicky would say it was destiny.

It had been a mild day, so Nicky took the opportunity to repot the blooming flowers and mow the lawn in the backyard, lest the leisure of the past few days came to bite him later in summer. Josh had taken it upon himself to tend to the Judas tree in the corner, claiming he had found ways to revive the tree to its proper health.

The poor tree looked even sicklier this year. Almost half the branches didn’t sprout new leaves, and those that did ended up with shriveled brown things curled in on themselves. The bark on the trunk, as pale as usual, was peeling off in large chunks at various locations. After enduring a decade of neglect during those darkest periods, Nicky guessed it was wishful thinking to assume the tree would miraculously begin to thrive now that Josh was back.

What started as a drizzle steadily turned into a downpour towards afternoon, so Nicky made the executive decision to call it a day. Josh simply switched his backward cap to face front, and said he could stay a little longer to finish up as Nicky covered his brows with one hand, hurrying back into the house.

It wasn’t until he had dried his hair, and curled up nicely on the living room sofa with a paperback that he thought Josh was taking a bit long. Just then, Nile burst through the door to the patio. “I think you’d better come, Nicky.” Her brows were knit tight, and Nicky saw Quynh stood up to peak outside from the dining room window.

He rushed out after her under the awning of the patio, and what he saw made his heart jumped to his throat. Josh had somehow climbed up the Judas tree, and was now spread out over a thin branch as high as the second floor, using the clipper in his hand to cut off bare twigs. The fragile branch swayed violently whenever a strong wind blew over, or when Josh made any slight movement of his limbs. A bright lightning flashed across the sky, closely followed by a deafening thunder. Nicky saw Booker, standing on Nile’s other side, glanced up with narrowed eyes.

Nicky shouted Josh’s name several times, but he couldn’t hear from that far. Resigned, Nicky put up the hood of his sweatshirt, and ran as close as he could to the tree. “Josh, honey?” He huffed a sigh of relief when the man finally turned his attention downward. “Do you want to come in now?”

Josh extended his arm further, trying to reach one of the peripheral twigs. Nicky grimaced as the branch shuddered in the blinding rain. “Almost done. I just need to get to these final –”

Nicky heard the crack before anything else. As though in slow motion, he saw the branch finally gave in to gravity and snapped in half right next to Josh’s ankle, taking his body along as it plummeted to the ground.

Instinct took over, rushing him to the muddy ground beneath Josh. He squatted low, stretching both arms wide. As anticipated, he felt the air punched out of his lungs when Josh’s back slammed into his chest, toppling him over. Nicky felt pain surged through his spine as his back hit the ground, but he kept it together. He stretched his body like a cushion, and tightened both arms around Josh’s waist, preventing him from tumbling away.

They lay like that for a while, panting heavily, as fat raindrops attacked their faces ruthlessly. Then Josh started to stir, trying to move his weight away from crushing Nicky. Nicky tightened his hold further, and maneuvered them backward to lean against the tree trunk. He sat Josh between his legs, letting Josh’s upper body cushion against his chest.

Nicky cursed when he realized the bare branches did nothing to shelter them from the rain. But then he saw Nile running over, a giant umbrella in hand. He mouthed a thank you, and watched her vanished back into the house with Booker.

The umbrella cocooned them in the steady rhythm of falling raindrops. Nicky subconsciously stroked his fingers down Josh’s spine, from neck to bottom, then moved to his forearms exposed under rolled-up sleeves, checking for wounds that he already knew wouldn’t be there.

He didn’t open his mouth until he felt Josh’s breath evened. “There’s really no need to fuss over this old tree now. If you ask me, I think it’s beyond salvageable. We probably should just get a saw and cut –”

Josh used one arm to propped himself up, so he could turn around and looked at Nicky. “I’m not dumb, Nicky. I know _why_ the tree is so sick.” He stared into Josh’s eyes with trepidation, searching for the hurt, the guilt, or even the accusation. “I’ve done some research. With the right method and a lot of patience, I think I can fix it.”

What was left unsaid between the words was so loud, Nicky wondered whether he actually heard it with his own ears. _I think I can fix me_.

Nicky’s face crumbled. “Oh, mio amore.” He reached out to cup Josh’s cheeks. “There’s nothing wrong with –”

“Is there not, though?” He sat straighter, pushing himself further away from Nicky. “Because I can’t grow this hair out to the length you like without artificial intervention. I can’t eat our favorite meal without choking to death. I can’t indulge you to wake up in my arms because I’m no longer a heavy sleeper.” His eyes were wild now, hands shaking frantically. “Hell, I can’t even wear both of our rings on these god damn fingers anymore!”

Josh hung his head, eyes trailing down, suddenly avoiding Nicky’s gaze. Not wanting to lose contact, Nicky reached out to softly take Josh’s hands in his, and was glad to feel a firm grip in return. “You deserve better than this, Nicky.” Josh’s voice sounded muffled as he continued to speak to the ground. “I don’t know, sometimes I feel so useless. It’s like this body is failing me.” Before Nicky could stop him, Josh bunched up his fists and punched furiously at his thighs. “It’s like it’s failing _us._ ”

There it was, finally out. This elephant in the room they had been dancing around all year, pretending it didn’t exist. Oddly, Nicky felt a wave of warmth spread through his body that he recognized as relief a moment later. He pulled Josh back into his embrace, and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, thanking him for the courage to first take the leap.

Wordlessly, he pulled Josh up, and slowly walked him back toward the house. Josh was like a puppet cut from strings next to him, the earlier confession seemed to have drained all the energy out of him.

There was no trace of their family in the house, though there was a set of Josh’s clean clothes and a thick towel on the dining table. Nicky left Josh to dry himself and get changed, ducking into the kitchen to make them both chamomile tea. When he came out, Josh was standing at the threshold between the dining and living room in dry sweats, holding the towel loosely and looking disoriented, like a lost puppy. Nicky chuckled, linking their fingers back together to lead Josh to the sofa. He sat Josh down, tucking him in with one of the heavy blankets Booker slept in yesterday. He took the towel, and stood behind the sofa to dry Josh’s hair gently.

“Do you know what my favorite day is like?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question, so Nicky continued when there was no response. “It’s when the morning weather forecast says it will rain, and you pack, instead of an umbrella, some newspaper to fold into paper boats and play in the flooded park. When your colleagues answer my calls to the office for you, sounding worried as they say you’ve been cooped up at your work station for hours and probably forgot to eat lunch. When we miss almost half the show at the theater because we met an old lady on the way and you had to help her carry her groceries home. When you call Booker in the dead of the night to rant about live football playing somewhere across many time zones.” He bent down and nuzzled the back of Josh’s right ear. “When you kiss me goodnight in bed, no matter what kind of day we had.”

Josh scoffed a laugh, turning his head to rub noses with Nicky. “What you described could have been any day in the past year.” Nicky put down the towel, and came over to snuggle close to Josh, pillowing his head on Josh’s shoulder. “Yeah, but it could also be Saigon in ’76, Kauai in ’42, Barcelona in ’19. I can go on, you know.” He waited patiently in silence, and sensed the moment realization washed over Josh when a quiet “oh” escaped his mouth.

Nicky lifted his head up. He needed to look into the eyes of his love for this. “You see, Joe,” – he ignored the sound of protest because _who else could he be?_ – “this is my favorite kind of day because it showcases so much of who you are. Your compassion and generosity for everyone you meet. Your commitment and dedication to the work at hand. Your care and thoughtfulness toward our little family. Your optimism and joy even in the face of obstacles the universe throws at you. And your unwavering love, for me.” He nibbled a few kisses to the underside of Joe’s chin, and was rewarded with a ticklish laugh, just as it had been all those times throughout the millennium. “That’s why I love these days. That’s why I love _you_.”

He huffed as he gestured to his body. “This? Honestly, with the amount of tissue regeneration we go through each time, I don’t think it’s even the same body I was in when we first met or fell in love. Ship of Theseus, right?” He supplemented at the tilt of Joe’s head in confusion. “What I’m saying is, our body is a vessel we’re blessed with that grants us near eternity of time, but it doesn’t define us. For me, just you” – and here he pointed to Joe’s heart for emphasis – “is enough.”

Silence descended upon them as he winded down from all the talking, and Nicky became aware of how quiet the house was. Suddenly, it was his turn to feel self-conscious about meeting Joe’s eyes, so he laid his head back, hiding his face in the crook of Joe’s neck and feeling how well they fit.

He felt the rumble in Joe’s chest before he heard the man opened his mouth. “Even if I can never give you beard burn on your inner thighs anymore?” Nicky shot up his head. He would have gasped at the lewdness, but then he saw the mischievous glint in Joe’s eyes, and the sound turned into a guffaw that ended with a snort. Joe joined in with his wholehearted belly laugh, ruffling Nicky’s newly dried hair playfully.

Right then Nicky knew, with the certainty he felt when he first stared into those hazel eyes through the pouring rain, that they would be alright.

When the laughter subsided, they sat on the sofa in companionable silence, listening to the symphony of raindrops dancing across the roof. Their bodies leaned flush against each other with no gap as they drank their chamomile tea. Joe hummed under his breath, and raised his mug to Nicky. “Here’s to another millennium, I guess.” He winked over the brim. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Nicky chuckled his agreement. He clicked his mug with Joe’s as they took in the evidences of their well-lived lives together, and heard the distant sound that signaled the return of their family.

“Here’s to just us is enough.”

~ * ~ * ~  
 ** _So what if it's us_  
 _What if it's us, and only us_  
 _And what came before won't count anymore or matter_  
 _Can we try that?_  
** ~ * ~ * ~

The gardener of Valletta went up to the mansion on the hill at the outskirt of town to cut down the Judas tree one afternoon in late spring. The clients were not home, but they left the entrance to the garden opened. The job was quickly done, the old tree’s trunk cut down and the ground cleaned up in less than half an hour. In its place, he planted two queen palms the clients specifically picked when they came by the shop. An odd choice, really, the two palms intertwining with each other the closer they reached the ground, eventually becoming one.

The jeweler at the corner of town square received a peculiar case around the same time. The clients brought in two perfectly fine rings, but wanted them melt down and reforged into two identical rings, one with the circumference reduced by several sizes. The design they chose was like a Mobius strip, the pattern going round and round with no clear beginning nor end. On the inner side, there was a simple inscription: “ _Only Us_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Highly recommend listening to the male/male cover of ["Only Us"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJkwjrFbmIs) by Ben Levi Ross and Taylor Trensch, which was living rent-free in my brain while I wrote this.
> 
> The head-canon that Joe actually wears both his and Nicky's (wedding) rings on his fingers came from a brilliant Tumblr post that I sadly couldn't find anymore, but all credit goes to the very thorough OP of the post!
> 
> A big shoutout to those who commented under _Linger Like a Tattoo Kiss_ that wanted to know what happened afterwards. This story wouldn't exist without you <3
> 
> As usual, all comments and kudos are greatly appreciated with immense gratitude :)


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